theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
