i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
