Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
