just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
