All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
