So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
