My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
