I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
