I'm laying in your front yard are you home
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
