I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
