What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
