This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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