I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
