I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I intend to get homeless drunk
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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