Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm passing your future prison.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
