All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
