I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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