Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it was like eating out sand paper
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You need Xanax blowdarts
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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