proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
