yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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