the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
