i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
