That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
