everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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