is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
