I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
