i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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