Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
