she told me i tasted like america
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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