Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
