We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
