I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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