there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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