we're blogging at a bar
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
