Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
