I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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