i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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