Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
