he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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