So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
