just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
