just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
