So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
