Someone shit on the floor
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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