Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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