I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
