i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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