dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
