you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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