No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
