At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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